Dear Kids, This is why we say no


Dear Monkey-faced divils, (I know you love when I call you that),

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being a mammy and what I am at. I’m really trying to be as good a one as I can for guys. You are great little people, I love you more than you can ever imagine, some day you’ll understand. I tell you all the time, each of you in turn, that  you are beautiful and strong and brave, clever, kind and helpful. You are all my sunshines. This you know. I tell you I love you so much that you tell me it’s too much. I say it’s never too much and to never forget it.

Your Dad and I are kept very busy being your parents, there are lots of jobs that we have to do that you all know about. It’s not just getting you dressed and sending you to bed. We have to keep you fed (you remind us lots about this one), keep you safe, keep you clean and warm. We have to to keep you healthy, and mind you when you’re not. That’s the practical stuff, the easy stuff really.

The hard stuff is the stuff that keeps my mind busy when everything else is keepingmy body busy. The getting you to turn out OK.  We’re trying to design and build happy adults. The thing is we don’t really know how. There’s no manual, you didn’t come with instructions, there’s no online help. We’re making it up, taking a risk that it works with every little decision.

As a child you probably think that we are being mean by saying no (in fact you all tell us this frequently) but we’re trying to give you boundaries, to not have you so used to getting your own way that you think it’s the only way life can be. We’re making your life harder now (or so you say) so that you’ll know how to cope when things don’t go your way when you get older. We’re hoping that works and that enduring your tantrums when we say no pays off eventually. (Seriously, it’s not easy to say no and know what that will unleash, but we do it anyway)

We’re doing it all to do our best to make you the best that we can. So when we say no fizzy, we’re try to teach you that fizzy isn’t an everyday thing, it’s a treat. And when we say no more screen time we’re trying to get you to realise that there’s more to life than screens. We have reasons for all our unreasonable behaviour, you probably do too.

We’re trying our best, or most of the time we are. We have our moments too, when we shout more than we’d like, or say things we regret. We’re learning. That’s the best we can do, and it’s for you three.

It doesn’t always seem to you that what we do is best for you I know. But we’re trying to make you the best that you can be, to teach you how to deal with things so that you can manage for yourself, to be as happy as you can, to make you resilient.  That’s what we can do.

So, when we say no, when you feel the need to protest, know that we love you, know that we’re trying to help you to be your very best. The rest, my beautiful boys and girl is up to you.

Your Mam

4 thoughts on “Dear Kids, This is why we say no

  1. We worried the same way- and look how beautiful you write- and are.
    Your doting Dad !

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