You’d think that I’d know better than to wear a white jacket to work, and leave it on when I’m collecting the kids. I do. I usually take it off and leave it in the car.
You’d think that I’d know better than to bring the three kids to Aldi on the way home from work.
I do. But all I needed was bread, milk and pull-ups, what could go wrong?
You’d think that my six-year-old would stay close to the trolley rather than yelling from three aisles away “I’m over here if you need me mam”.
You’d think that my tired toddler would happily sit in the trolley, but she preferred to run around so I ill-advisedly let her.
You’d think that a four-year-old would keep his opinion on which bread to buy to himself. Or at least keep his cool when his favoured variety was left on the shelf.
You’d think it was only last week we’d remarked how he’d grown out of the temper tantrums. (It was)
You’d think that it was easy to lift a temper-filled preschooler into a trolley to contain his rage but it wasn’t.
You’d think that being put into the trolley would calm him down. But it didn’t.
You’d think that you could grab what you needed and run but the store never seemed bigger.
You’d think that people would say something about the child screaming and dancing in the trolley but they didn’t. (Thank you people of Gorey).
You’d think I’d have lost my cool but (remarkably) I didn’t, I spoke gently to him, and said he could get out when he calmed down.
You’d think that we’d have turned a corner when he was released from the trolley.
You’d think that buying icecreams for the weekend would be fun.
You’d think that small boys wouldn’t have much preference once they realised that ice creams were being bought.
You’d think that a mother would remember what had happened when she chose the wrong bread minutes earlier.
You’d think a preschooler would remember what happened when he screamed about the wrong bread being chosen.
You’d think the vegetables would get squashed with a child jumping up and down on them in the trolley.
You’d think that the tantrum was over something other than the wrong icecream.
You’d think a toddler might get up to mischief when her mammy is occupied with another sibling.
You’d think making towers from toilet rolls was fun. (Miss Toddler did.)
You’d think that people might comment on the noise but they were remarkably restrained. (That kid is loud).
You’d think if any box was going to be dropped by a toddler it would be one containing eggs. Yep.
You’d think that you’d leave the supermarket with only the things you went in for.
You’d think that a trolley containing two crying children, a box of broken eggs and twenty items including three that you went in for would be difficult to manage. Yep.
You’d think that the lady at the checkout suggesting you might want to add some vodka to the trolley was right.
You’d think that all was OK once you got the three of them back into the car.
You’d think that if your white jacket was wet after carrying a child that it was water. Nope.
You’d think I’d learn!
Some day. You’d think.
With thanks and apologies to the staff and customers of Aldi, Gorey.