A List of Things That Are In My Car Right Now (or reasons why I should never offer anyone a lift)

It’s well documented that I drive to work. Occasionally, I have meetings first thing in the morning so I drive directly there and meet my work colleagues, who usually arrive by train or Luas. Then, the meeting ends and I obviously have to offer them a lift back to the office. At this time I love my cyclist colleagues most of all, they spare me the shame of accepting a lift and head off to their bikes.

It’s six years since I went back to work after my first maternity leave, so I have finally learned that I should decontaminate clean my car before these meetings happen.

The learning moment happened when a colleague, dressed in a beautiful white silk outfit, went to open A REAR DOOR of my car to get in. I threw myself in front of her mumbling about Liga and raisins while trying to extricate the (possibly) clean fleece blanket from the boot at the same time. My other colleague who was coming along, dressed in darker, machine washable clothes, swooped in and requested to sit in the back. I loved her almost as much as the cyclists.

Why?

Because I drive the family car to work. The MPV. The Mammy-wagon. The car that brings three children on four-hour-journeys to visit Granny in Sligo. Journeys fuelled on raisins, breadsticks and juice, then biscuits and whatever else will keep them quiet from Longford onwards. (The kids, not the car).

It’s also the car I commute in, where I spend almost as much time each day as I spend in my bed. This means my car holds spare shoes, Vaseline, nuts, sunglasses. Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff.

This stuff does not reside in the roomy centre console. That’s where the chargers for our old phones and broken ones for our current ones are. And a plastic dinosaur, and some CDs. And that pen I couldn’t find.

This stuff and kid stuff are the reasons I should never, ever offer anyone a lift. At least without either cleaning it beforehand or getting them to sign a non-disclosure agreement. And maybe a waiver for the destruction of any valuable clothing items.

This might give you a better picture.

IMG_6704

 

Things that are in my car right now

One almost empty packet of Rich Tea biscuits opened at Christmas (passenger door pocket)

1 packet of Extra chewing gum

3 hurls

1 hurling helmet

1 sliotar

2 gumshields (in little plastic boxes)

1 buggy with rain-gear

Wellies x 3 kids’ pairs (muddy)

1 bottle  of water (unopened)

3 bottles of water (empty)

1 school made snowman (I don’t remember ever seeing him before)

Shopping bags (lots, unless I’m going to the supermarket, then none)

1 opened packet of Haribo (out of reach when driving or it wouldn’t have survived)

No spare tyre (damned MPV)

Hiking boots (2 adult pairs)

Dust

70 odd squashed raisins (on floor, on seats, between seats, jamming the seat mechanisms)

3 pre-sucked partial Haribo jellies (stuck to floor, likely liberated from pack mentioned above but found to be the wrong colour)

Two high backed booster seats

One toddler car seat

One spare booster seat (just in case)

19 hair clips in various pastel shades

More dust

Wipes (for snots, bums and dust removal)

A variety of assorted stones from many beaches all over the country

The missing spare key of the house (yay)

Crumbs

My rain coat (under the buggy)

Many sticks that had to be brought home from walks

2 bags of “organic cheese snacks”

1 pack of nut and seed mix

12 children’s books (smug)

Random lumps of mud (hopefully it’s mud)

1 mini magna doodle

1 hat in the shape of a lion

1 pair of kids’ overalls

1 blue Power Ranger (the green one is missing)

2 baby dolls (one pink, one blue)

1 doll buggy

1 pink scooter

1 orange scooter

Spare work shoes

Coins (low value variety)

More crumbs

Fingerprints (everywhere, mostly sticky)

4 packets of tissues with 1 tissue used

A nappy bag (probably without nappies)

4 winter hats

3 gloves (none matching)

Not much room for any people, let alone extra people!

 

Dear Colleague, if you read this and I’ve given you a lift, please appreciate the effort, because obviously I’ll pretend that the car is a state and that I haven’t had a chance to clean it.

Tell me I’m not alone? Please?

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16 thoughts on “A List of Things That Are In My Car Right Now (or reasons why I should never offer anyone a lift)

  1. I swear you have just discribed my car, my nephew who is 4 told me last week I really needed to clean my car, I told him it was he cousins fault. I keep telling myself well sure something has got to give and its my car hehehe

  2. You are definitely not on your own. In my glove compartment alone I have nail varnish remover, wrapping paper and calpol to name a few… Also a bag in the boot of ‘things to return’, wellies, tennis racquets, beach stuff (a lot of sand!) and a bag of ‘stuff’ that I collected from the car because I knew I was having people in it (my boot is full). I also have blue paint all over the passenger seat, foot well and door from an exploding 5 litre paint tin… Hope that makes you feel better :))

  3. I’ve had young kids comment on how dirty my car is … morto! HATE having to offer people lifts. I am so glad you wrote this post!

  4. Even a pricey car valet will not fix the problem… the upholstery is permanently stained by God knows what (and it is dark coloured). I’ve considered trying to drape a blanket over it but then the belts won’t work… and yes they are often jammed with food waste (I’m squirming just thinking about it).

  5. How appropriate that I read this tonight having FINALLY decided to tackle the family car (only car!) over the weekend for the first time in, erm, ever?! I allocated myself an hour (delusional), it took 2.5. It would have taken longer only the dirt broke the hoover… Our house is tiny, so all unnecessary crap is kept in the car. Our car is also tiny for all of us (focus, hatchback, verrry old model) so the stuff is similar to the contents of your car, only more condensed…
    Your blog made me laugh out loud, and nod my head in compassion. Amazing what the family car beholds.. So many sticks. and stones, and raisins. Goddamn raisins! đŸ™‚

  6. This is my life too and I also hate when friends etc say “ooh please don’t mind the state of my car” and it is pristine!! And GAA season has started so that means muck, grass, hurls, helmets,shinguards etc on top of all the normal messiness.

  7. This is my life!!! I drove last night for my dinner date with the girls. Mortified was an understatement! They were all dressed up and I had to put down Frankie’s blankets just so they didn’t get mush and crumbs and shit all over their clothes hahaha…

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